"Boy". "Adolescent".
"Young-un". "Little
man".
Males all throughout culture hear these terms and
cringe. For some, anger is ignited at their very mention. For others, the
journey to begin proving themselves is born out of a need to justify
masculinity. No matter which way we take it, we're convinced these words
emasculate us at some level. The fact is: We don't like them. And we don't
think they are an accurate representation of who we are. I've begun to consider
what this means. To phrase this thought in the form of a question, "What
does it mean to be a man?"
Upon first glance, this appears to be an easy
question to answer. So allow me to disclose what my male brain is tempted
to start with. If it were left up to me to decide, being a man would probably look something like this:
- having great physical strength
- being able to beat other people up
- having a high skill level in violent combat
- knowing how to demand a woman to give you respect
and submission (regardless of how you do it)
- possessing a lot of money
- having a high-paying job
- leading without the advice of a woman and,
instead, forcing her to accept your decisions
- being able to make others fear you
- never showing weakness
- giving no mercy
- refusing to show sensitivity, and instead
choosing to reject emotions
- knowing how to sweet-talk a girl into sleeping
with you
- competing for multiple sex partners
with other males, and winning
Even though the list could indeed continue, I think
that about sums it up. Though probably not the best comprehensive list, this is
the message culture is sending out to men- the kind of man they should be
becoming. This is how we ought to
behave. This is not only how we need
to view ourselves, but this is how we should expect others to look at us. Well, let me be the one to throw
a rock in your lawnmower. I'd like to stop you dead in your self-confident
tracks for a moment. What if I told you the aforementioned idea of
manliness is not only utter foolishness, but entirely nonsensical. That, at its
fundamental root, this concept is actually quite immature, juvenile and
selfish. For so long, males have been led to believe that manliness resides in
the bosom of strength and brutality. After all, a man must be powerful and
un-emotional. He must be self-confident and eager to prove himself. He must be cold,
calculating and boisterous. Women must bow down before his rightful superiority
and boys should look to him for guidance.
I believed this idea. Many of you probably still
do. Please hear me out on this: It is
a lie.
Discard it out of your mind. Remove it from your
way of living. To pursue this notion is not the way to true manliness. It is merely
a timeless, replicated brainchild of arrogant men from ancient times to modern
day. Tragically, it is a concept still alive and well in the hearts of young
boys who have been taught to find it inspiring. Like a diseased carcass to a
hungry wild animal, this idea of manliness is unfortunately too alluring to
resist. It is an insatiable desire to even the most resolute men of noble
intentions.
If there is one thing I have come to believe, it is
this: Real manliness cannot be found in the ideologies and promises of this
world. For they are empty and hollow attempts to give a man meaning. Their
efforts to instill within man a firm sense of masculinity have been in vain.
Why? Because they were never able to in the first place. There is only one place
real manliness can be found. There has only ever been one true example of
manliness in the history of mankind. His name is Jesus Christ.
Scorned and rejected for His teachings that exposed the hypocrisy of religious
zealots, bruised and beaten because His presence posed a threat to the
political powerhouses of the day, and eventually murdered because of his claims
to be the everlasting God, Jesus
revealed to the world what true manliness is.
Buckle up and sit tight. Because when it comes to
being a man, what I’m about to show you is going to drive a monkey-wrench
straight into the heart of what you’ve always thought you knew. I do not intend
for this to go down easy, let alone be comfortable. It wasn’t for me. Then
again, truth has never been concerned with the type of response it may receive.
So, what does it mean to be a man? Well my
friends, in short it means this:
- real men know strength doesn’t come
from them [Psalm
18:32-24]
- real
men are willing to suffer for what is right [1 Peter 3:14]
- real men
always do what is right, regardless of the cost [Matthew 5:10-12]
- real men
are gentle, not harsh [1 Timothy
6:11]
- real men
are not afraid of being vulnerable [Matthew
5:5]
- real men
fight only when they need to [Psalm
18:47]
- real men
sympathize with the poor [Proverbs
14:31]
- real men
show compassion [Colossians 3:12-13]
- real men
give mercy [James 2:12-13]
- real men
are characterized by their humility [Matthew
23:12]
- real men
don’t welcome pride, they kill it [Proverbs
16:18]
- real men do
not seek notoriety [Matthew 6:16-18]
- real men do
not fear sacrifice [Matthew 10:39]
- real men are
servants to all before they are leaders to any [Mark 9:45]
I have arrived at the point in my post where I must
confess the state of my heart to you during the completion of this endeavor. For
I know that to not do so would mean I was a walking contradiction to everything
I have just written. I have spent the greater part of my life struggling to
live out everything I have just shared with you. I have fought this battle.
Sometimes at great cost. Throughout my attempts to preserve what I believe to
be true manliness, I have lost countless friends, reputations, and even
possible job opportunities. As a grown man, it is a battle I still fight. Most
days, I fail. Even on my weaker days, I feel defeated. And on my better days, I’m
sad to say I nearly forget it all entirely. My purpose in all of this is to
offer hope to the aspiring men out there who may be feeling pressured to grow
into the type of man that I know they should never want to become. My fellow
men, I groan alongside you. My heart is heavy with the temptation to please the
world and submit to the attractive lies it beckons me to believe. However, I
beg you: Do not give in! Come to the man named Jesus Christ. Discover what it really
means to become a man of honor. A man of purpose. A man of virtue. A man of
noble pursuit. A man among boys.
My fellow men, I encourage you to surrender your
pursuit of self. Walk away from selfish ambition. It is not too late to become
the man you’ve always wanted to be.
